I need to get a move on

At the moment I’m feeling very lazy.

Ever since I was told by the physio that there wasn’t anything which would improve my back I’ve done less and less. Even though I know that my back feels better when I do exercise and that to build the muscles in my back to give me any kind of hope of feeling better I need to keep moving.

Of course I’ve had excuses, first I had flu, then it was Christmas, then work got crazy busy and then I had a cold. Now I seem to spend most of my lunch hour attached to my computer looking for wedding ideas and contacting suppliers. The swimming pool I use closes for swimming lessons at 5pm so I have to go home after work and then go out again to swim in the evenings – and that just isn’t going to happen. Plus I spend my evenings doing more wedding stuff or watching the TV. Excuses, excuses, excuses.

I’d like to think that writing this post might be the motivation I need to start moving. I’d like to think the fact that I’ve put appointments in my work calendar for every lunch time will be encouraging. I’d like to think the thought of my lovely readers shouting at me for being lazy would motivate me. But come on if the thought that I might not be able to stand and dance for my entire wedding day doesn’t motivate me – although it does terrify me and make me want to weep – then what hope have I got? But I am determined to try my best and today I managed to drag myself away from all your lovely blog posts that I need to catch up on and swim so hopefully this is a new start…..

Why is it that doing the best for yourself is so difficult? Or do I just have so little will power?

My weekend

Hmmm so writing I should probably get around to doing some of that right.
So this weekend, I'm on my own - O is in Spain playing his bizarre sport for Scotland (still not going to tell you what it is). So I'm doing some sofa bonding, my favourite activity! I'm catching up on trashy TV, reading and sleeping. Think I've got a throat infection, but I'm ignoring that hoping it might go away.

I had a back massage last night to ease me into the relaxation. I love getting back massages I’m not your fancy-pants brush your fingers across my back type of a girl. I’m a go hell for leather get you knuckle into that knot in my muscle type of girl. And oh my goodness the girl last night showed no mercy. My shoulders now feel pretty bruised but I’m going back in 3 weeks to have another round. That all sounds a little brutal sorry!

The relaxation was a little disturbed today by a phone call from the fraud department of my credit card. Now I’m suspicious of anyone who phones me and then asks for my personal details. Not to mention the fact that about 4 months ago my Aunt was conned out of £2,000 by someone ‘apparently’ calling from her credit card fraud department (she was refunded). So the sceptic in me refused to talk to the perfectly pleasant woman who phoned and called the number on the back of my credit card and true enough I was put through to the fraud department. Someone has tried to purchase something online in America and last night tried to make a payment to a company in Croydon last night at 0:02 (I was sleeping at that time). Thankfully the fraud department spotted something dodgy and denied both payments so I haven’t lost any money and all I need to do is wait for my new card to arrive.

Hope you are having an enjoyable relaxing weekend (other than Rebecca who I hope is having a productive weekend).

I heart this

So after I post about my back I'm looking through blogs and find weheartit. Where I found this lovely picture.

Back Pain

Warning this is a bit of a long moany post!

(Please let me clarify here I am aware that I’m extremely lucky to be in such good health and that I could be a lot worse off)

I get pain in my mid back – if you imagine where your rib cage ends. The pain feels like I’m being squeezed in a vice, like the muscles on either side of my spine have been screwed up into tight little balls and nothing will release them. There is no way to predict the pain, some days I wake up and feel great and can walk for miles. Other days I wake up and know that I’m not going to get very far the muscles are already tight and won’t loosen off.

I’ve been to a Physiotherapist, who has diagnosed my problem. I have a flat back posture, barely any curve in my back, my hamstrings are tight and my pelvis is tucked under. However there is nothing structurally wrong with my back I have been x-rayed and I recently had an MRI scan (because I hadn’t made as much progress as would have been expected). I’ve been told that although there is some deterioration of the discs in my spine there is nothing too out of the ordinary and certainly nothing that can be done surgically. (Was relieved at this, not sure I want surgery on my spine all sounded a bit scary).

The bad news is that the Physio says there is nothing that can be done to relieve the pain and give me back my normal lifestyle – I was never active but I used to be able to walk to the shops without being in pain. I used to be able to go to a nightclub, strut my funky stuff and then walk home.
The pain started about 4 years ago and has got progressively worse since then. The advice that the Physio has given me keep active, be as active as possible, has helped it just isn’t me (I now swim and go to the gym). I don’t enjoy exercise I never have, also I don’t seem to have endorphins – this gym high that people talk about, how great they feel after a good session, has never happened to me I just feel sleepy.

I’ve been discharged from the Physio with no further advice other than to keep active and don’t throw money at the problem it won’t fix it. Apparently I need to accept that I will always have a bad back and I need to develop my coping skills (rant)! So where does that leave me? Do I pay money to see a private physio and risk being strung along for a lot of money and false promises (been burnt before)? Do I just give up and accept that this is as good as it is going to get – but then if I can’t walk 10 minutes at 28 what will I be like when I’m 60?

As you might have guessed I find the whole thing quite upsetting because I want to be able to stand for our marriage ceremony, to hug our guests, to have our photos taken (I reckon I’ll sit to eat). I want to be able to dance every dance with my new husband, our family and our friends. I want to be burled around for the strip the willow and still be able to shake my tail feather! I don’t want to be sat on the edge of the dance floor in agony, or drugged to the eyeballs to mask the pain. But of course it goes further than that, I want to get pregnant (eventually) and be able to still walk, I want to be able to lift our babies from their cots without wincing, I want to be able to run after them along a wind swept beach.

(photo credits; 1st photo and 2nd photo)