I’m supposed to be going to my friend’s house for tea tonight*, she has very kindly offered to host our group of friends again even though it is absolutely my turn – I think I might owe them three or four dinners by now. But I can’t be bothered to go, I can’t be bothered to talk about the wedding and how stressed I am and how I’ve achieved nothing since I last saw them. I can’t be bothered to pretend to be excited or happy or enthusiastic about life it’s tiring. Also I’m bad at pretending. I can’t be bothered with people’s sympathetic eyes and their offers of help which turn into more work for me.
I can’t be bothered getting up in the morning, I can’t be bothered getting dressed and going to work and I can’t be bothered to actually do any work while there, which is a bit of a problem because I don’t have a free second at the moment and need to concentrate.
Food I can always be bothered with I’m not that bad.
The only person I can be bothered with is O – which I suppose is a good thing seeing as I’ll be spending the rest of my life with him. He noticed immediately that I wasn’t right and has set about coming up with ways to “fix” me, in his, I’m a boy and don’t like talking about feelings sort of a way. Which is ok with me considering I can’t explain why I’m feeling like this.
I want to have the energy to write an intelligent post regarding Glasgow Bride’s remark at the end of her post. About how blogging is all about having a conversation and that it is scary butting in on other people’s conversations but that I’ve never had a bad response. Although there are some places where I’m just too shy. About how we all started our blogs at different times but there are new blogs appearing all the time so you are never the new blog for very long. About how blog land is an amazing place where you have access to all these wonderful people you just find a blog that suits your personality and hopefully make friends. About the teasing I got from O when I plucked up the courage to go and meet one of them in person and how thankful I was that she didn’t turn out to be a 50 year old pervert and that we got on.
I’m going to give myself a kick up the behind and get back to being “normal” (ha). Blog posts will come but they may be sporadic.
*I started writing this yesterday morning, while at work oops turns out I found a free second and then had to stay late, but I never got time to finish it. I did go to see my friends and I actually had a really good time. There was a baby to cuddle, lots of giggles, lots of food and some chocolate thrown in for good measure. Probably serves me right for being a miserable cow.