I’m supposed to be going to my friend’s house for tea tonight*, she has very kindly offered to host our group of friends again even though it is absolutely my turn – I think I might owe them three or four dinners by now. But I can’t be bothered to go, I can’t be bothered to talk about the wedding and how stressed I am and how I’ve achieved nothing since I last saw them. I can’t be bothered to pretend to be excited or happy or enthusiastic about life it’s tiring. Also I’m bad at pretending. I can’t be bothered with people’s sympathetic eyes and their offers of help which turn into more work for me.
I can’t be bothered getting up in the morning, I can’t be bothered getting dressed and going to work and I can’t be bothered to actually do any work while there, which is a bit of a problem because I don’t have a free second at the moment and need to concentrate.
Food I can always be bothered with I’m not that bad.
The only person I can be bothered with is O – which I suppose is a good thing seeing as I’ll be spending the rest of my life with him. He noticed immediately that I wasn’t right and has set about coming up with ways to “fix” me, in his, I’m a boy and don’t like talking about feelings sort of a way. Which is ok with me considering I can’t explain why I’m feeling like this.
I want to have the energy to write an intelligent post regarding Glasgow Bride’s remark at the end of her post. About how blogging is all about having a conversation and that it is scary butting in on other people’s conversations but that I’ve never had a bad response. Although there are some places where I’m just too shy. About how we all started our blogs at different times but there are new blogs appearing all the time so you are never the new blog for very long. About how blog land is an amazing place where you have access to all these wonderful people you just find a blog that suits your personality and hopefully make friends. About the teasing I got from O when I plucked up the courage to go and meet one of them in person and how thankful I was that she didn’t turn out to be a 50 year old pervert and that we got on.
I’m going to give myself a kick up the behind and get back to being “normal” (ha). Blog posts will come but they may be sporadic.
*I started writing this yesterday morning, while at work oops turns out I found a free second and then had to stay late, but I never got time to finish it. I did go to see my friends and I actually had a really good time. There was a baby to cuddle, lots of giggles, lots of food and some chocolate thrown in for good measure. Probably serves me right for being a miserable cow.
big hugs from the non pervert :)
ReplyDeleteI thought you seemed quiet, but I didn't want to say anything. hope you get your mojo back soon!
more big hugs..
ReplyDeleteit's tricky this wedding thing.. i'm right there with you.. x
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ReplyDeletelol, its ok to be a miserable cow sometimes! It will all be worth it on the wedding day :)
ReplyDeleteI love that O is trying to fix you - it is a good thing you want to spend your life with him.
thanks for your lovely comment, I love your blog too! x
p.s. sorry bad spelling so removed the other comment - its sad that things like that bother me lol
That's not so good... I think we all get like this though if it helps. I often say 'stop the roundabout I want to get off' which is my shorthand for life is too much! I also do the can't be bothered doing things (usually because I'm tired) and then I enjoy myself in the end... I know I will but sometimes the effort of getting places and being smiley just seems too much.
ReplyDeleteGlad you can still be bothered with O though - that is a good sign! And glad Rebecca isn't a 50 yr old perv! ;)
As for the blogging thing... I think it's easier to say stuff in blogworld – and it's easier to give an honest response. I sometimes wish my friends had blogs just so I could know what's going on with them!
Big hug xx
I think a bit of depression is normal now and then. Most important is that you talk about it and recognise how you're feeling. Don't feel pressured to do anything - to go out, to stay in, to 'just cheer up' or even to blog unless you think it will help. You know what you need to get better: time, space and support. Hope you're feeling well again soon.
ReplyDeleteI'd go out to tea with you, but I can't be bothered either. Hope we both find out mojo again soon. xox
ReplyDeleteI hear ya sister.
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ReplyDeleteI deleted my previous comment to edit it a bit - I shouldn't write when I'm tired!
ReplyDeleteThe stupid thing about weddings is you feel like you're going to end up putting 10 000 hours of effort - and 9000 of that wasted effort in fruitless schemes and faffing and the internet - into one day. And things will go wrong, and people will have different ideas on what to do from you, and make assumptions, and sometimes you feel like you're on your own and sometimes you feel like you're being crowded and you want to elope to a cliff on the west coast with your dog (even though you have no dog) and then you remember that you love your friends and family and want them there and in the end the dresses not fitting and rude shop assistants and bad ebay sellers and guests not rsvping and the endless, endless faff will be an amusing dinner party anecdote.
Bed for me! Yours is the only blog I've read today... I need several clones of myself. Or much, much more time. Clones would be better. Or a maid, personal assistant and wedding planner. Ha! Must buy a lotto ticket.
I'm not sure what I can add as I often find myself in a similar position.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I do love this whole community I feel I am now part of and if I may be so bold, a community which has helped me greatly.
Huggles, one and all.
I'm a bit late to this party, but sorry you are in a "can't be bothered" phase - they make you feel so wretched and there's little anyone can do to help. (Although I'm sure you are loads better now since I'm about a week late). Here's to a swift return of your mojo.
ReplyDeleteOh, also, I should point out that my comment about being scared of butting in is more reflective of my chronic shyness than anything else - all the bloggers I read are nothing but lovely and welcoming!
Sorry you were feeling like this and thats its taken my ages to get round to seeing this post.
ReplyDeleteHope you are doing better now too but i had the same thing after christmas too, no idea where it comes from!