My pretty

The cat lays claim to another bauble

if only it wasn't so cute to watch

Well my dears the Christmas madness has descended upon us all.

Pretty things are grabbing everyone's attention.

Tonight we bake cupcakes as our contribution to the food madness.

Hopefully the white stuff will stop falling from the sky because tomorrow we will make the long journey northwards to spend Christmas with O's parents. At least we'll have cupcakes to keep us going if the journey is too horrendous.

This will be my first Christmas away from my family. Although I will miss them I know that Christmas will be full of people, food and laughter - what more do you need?

I hope you all have a fantastic time

I'll be back after the madness

3 to 4

3am Thursday morning



I was awake, I was wide awake, I was listening to the wind blow rubbish around the street this kind of sums up the thoughts in my head:


I’m thirsty, I’m awake, it is 3am, I’m awake, I don’t want to go to work tomorrow, I’m awake, it is 3am, I have to go to work tomorrow, I’m thirsty, (roll over). It is windy, it hasn’t been windy for ages, why is it always windy on bin day, how many beer cans do my neighbours collect or is that the same one, I’m thirsty (arms over head). I’m awake, it is 3:15am, why did I marry such a noisy sleeper, I’m thirsty (lie on side), the Apprentice was good, that beer can is really noisy, I don’t want to go to work tomorrow, I need to wrap my Christmas presents, I don’t have enough Christmas cards, need to post the cards I’ve got, I’m thirsty (roll over). I’m awake, what the HELL is he dreaming about, someone go and pick that bloody can up, I’m awake, I’m thirsty (leg out of duvet). I want to be asleep, will it snow tomorrow, will I get to my Christmas party, I don’t want to go to the Christmas party, I want it to be Christmas holidays now, I’m tired, I’m thirsty (too cold limbs under duvet). Why am I so awake, I’ve been awake for hours, must be nearly getting up time, maybe I should wake him up, sounds like he is having a nightmare (lie on side), I’m thirsty.


O wakes up, feels around for his glasses and sticks his nose through the blind to look at the weather.


Me “what’s it doing?”


O “windy”


Me “you ok”


O “weird dreams”


Me “you sounded like you were being chased by a murderer”


O ………………..snore…………………


Me “humf”


The inner dialogue continues:


How can he get back to sleep so easily, why can’t I just fall asleep, thirsty (lie on front). Maybe I should get up for a drink, this would be a good blog post, this would be a dull blog post, what would the blog post look like, thirsty (lie on side). Fucking beer can, need to sleep, will be useless tomorrow, don’t want to go to work tomorrow, need to sort stuff out for Christmas, wonder if the owl/cat is back in, she’ll be scared of the wind, I’m thirsty, (roll over). Maybe I should get up and write this blog post, don’t want to disturb him, maybe should just disturb him, not fair that he can sleep and I can’t, really thirsty (arms over head), will look at phone.


So I catch up on twitter


Inner dialogue continues:


Arhhh I’ve burnt my retinas, someone should invent a less burny retina phone, shouldn’t have exposed my eyes to the light, should be asleep. Would like to be asleep, it is 4:10 how can it only be 4:10 I’ve been awake for hours, when I find who is responsible for that beer can, they’re going to need to buy me a beer, I’m thirsty………


…………………


…………………


………………..


Hmmmm feels like waking up, it is waking up, nooooooo refuse to wake up…………….


……………….


……………..


……………..


……………….


Beep beep beep beep beep.

How’s married life?

If O and I could get a £1 for every time we’ve been asked, “how’s married life?” we’d be loaded!

I’m sure I was guilty of doing it and for that I sincerely apologise.

Option 1

How’s married life?
Great, amazing, we’re so happy, thanks for asking.
Aww you’re still in the honeymoon period that’ll pass :)
F**k you

Option2

How’s married life?
It’s ok, just the same as normal really
Aww passed the honeymoon period already? :(
F**k you 

So how's married life? It is great I love my husband but it isn’t that much different to life before we got married. We still have to go to work (staring lovingly into each others eyes isn’t going to pay the bills and I hate to admit it but it does get a little dull after a while). We have to cook dinner (well he does) we have to clean the bathroom (well I do).

Still to be married folk I have some really bad news for you. Time does not stand still. You have this momentous day, you make these life altering promises to each other and yet time keeps going. Your guests will go to work on Monday, the postman will still deliver your credit card bill. I'm telling you it was a shock to me. I was expecting there to be a pause. Also you don't look any different either (this is starting to sound like losing your virginity). When you go and pay for the petrol the guy behind the desk will not understand why you are grinning like a mad thing - he really just wants you to pay and leave already. 

Married life is life but with extra jewellery, an extra sense of relationship security, an extra glow in my heart that he is my husband (don’t tell him that). The every now and again "wow we're married". A whole lot of extra paperwork (should have stuck with my own name).  Learning a new terminology – he is my husband not my partner or boyfriend and I’m his wife.

I had a fear that getting married would change us and perhaps it will with time. However, really I didn’t want our relationship to change that much because I wouldn’t have married him if I wanted something or someone different.

All of that aside – what is the right answer? Or what answer (not involving swearing) will make them shut up and go away?

*I first drafted this post when we'd been married for three months, the intensity of the questioning has reduced some so I not quite so angry and bitter as it might sound above. 

The week and a bit that was

You didn’t think you were going to get away without a post moaning about the weather did you. Oh foolish you, I’m in Scotland we’ve been dumped on from a great height – I therefore must moan. To be honest O and I have been lucky and have come off, so far, relatively unscathed.


Are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin, it all started a week ago last Friday evening when we had a small snowfall, on the Saturday we had yet more snow and again on the Sunday. Sunday, O and I ventured out and walked to the shops to buy provisions for baking. We made Nana’s chocolate cake and Hummingbird bakery hazelnut and chocolate cupcakes (nomnomnomnom).

(if you kind of squint and tip you head to the side slightly you might be able to see a heart shaped hollow in the middle of the cupcake case)

On the Monday morning, O was rudely awakened at 6am by his boss, the member of their team who was on call had been trying to get to work since 3am. They were hoping that O, who technically lives the closest, would be able to get to work. During the winter part of O's job is to clear the car parks and footpaths of snow and ice. O headed off to work on his bike which to be fair was the only way he was getting to work other than walking – all trains were off and our car is technically a big sledge with wheels (as we discovered after far too many hairy moments in Jan/Feb). 


I finally dragged myself out of bed and trudged to the bus stop – at this point the emails from colleagues stuck in their homes had started to flood in. I can work quite happily – and often more productively from home. However I am the closest member of staff to the office so it was really my duty to at least try to get to the office – which I managed all too simply. I was the first through the door at 9:15 and proudly declared our office open, the glory of my achievement was slightly tarnished by the colleagues who made it in from much further afield. By 3pm that day though everyone had scurried home trying to get back before dark, the snow had started again. I took the executive decision to close the office and get my ass back to the warmth of home.


The week continued with O working ridiculously long hours and coming home like a zombie – I even had to cook two nights (this is unheard of). On Friday morning, just as we were about to start celebrating no snow in a 24 hour period, just as I was about to brave taking the car out it BLOODY STARTED AGAIN and kept coming. Friday night was O’s work Christmas night out which meant I had to deal with a very drunk and then very hungover husband. He didn’t eat again until 6:30pm on Saturday night which I think is the longest I’ve ever known him to go without food. Luckily my plans for Saturday had been cancelled or I’d have been a more annoyed with being kept awake most of the night. Saturday had meant to be a spa day to celebrate Hockey’s 30th birthday later this month. However, with the weather and lack of public transport we decided it was best to cancel.


Saturday was a right off in terms of being motivated to do anything and Sunday wasn’t much better – we managed to the shops to stock up and we ran a few errands. O, who is on call now, went to work to grit the paths. We’d managed 48 hours without snow and things were starting to look better – it wasn’t to last. Monday morning just as rush hour hit the snow was back, O had left for work at 6am so missed the worst of it. I got to the bus stop having slipped most of the way there (soft snow on sheet ice doesn’t make for easy walking) to discover that all the buses were being recalled to the depot. I was cold and wet, I wasn’t getting any glory for making it in to work so I trudged back home again – stuck the heating on full blast and a bowl of porridge in the microwave. I am so grateful that I didn’t need to go anywhere yesterday – the horror stories of hours upon hours being stuck on the motorway make me shiver at the thought.


My husband is obsessed with the weather forecast – I’ve stopped believing anything it says, however if it is to be believed then we are due to have a thaw on Thursday. Wonderfully at the moment the temperatures are dropping so low that the salt and grit doesn’t work – making attempting to get anywhere futile.

Bay tree

Dear Santa,


Please can I have a new bay tree for Christmas. I promise to take better care of the next one.


Thanks
R

Anna & Bean

Today is the day!

Lovely Anna is marrying lovely Bean

In true Anna style

eeekkkaaabbbllleeesss

(image 1, image 2, image 3)

Loveliness

The lovely Lisa Marie has given me this "One Lovely Blog" award and it is high time that I pass it on - rules say to pass it on to 15 lovely blogs.

I've chosen some long time favourites and some new finds.

Take my hand and my whole life too; Anna and the Ring; bunnies 'n' beagles; A Chocolate Lover's Confessions; We Ski Slow; shinyprettybits; the coffee girl; CraftMyLife; Red Boots; Some Vague Utopia; A Daisy Chain Dream; A Dandelion Mind; From becoming a wife to becoming a mama; Cakes and Bunting; Daydreams in Lace

There are many more that I love to read - but I'm always open to new finds. 

So I'll be interested to see who you pass it on to. 

Thank F*** It's Friday

(which I think is that my husband felt like saying when I came home as useless as a chocolate teapot)

(image)

Turns out that time flies when you are working every hour of the day. Had a huge work deadline today which I managed to meet at 17:10! Huge relief!

Dinner, gossip and a couple of drinkipoos with the girls tonight has helped me de-stress. 

Tomorrow we drive down south to Leeds to spend the weekend with my parents. Will also be seeing a good friend from high school who I haven't seen in almost two years - in which time she had a baby and I got married, so we have a LOT to catch up on.

I'M NOT BACK AT WORK UNTIL WEDNESDAY! Sorry I'm a little over excited about that.

I hope you all have something fun planned for the weekend. I'd love to hear about it.

(trying out a new font - opinions?)

Cee unveiled

By telling me, that my blog did not appear very chipper Cee was not having a go – what she was really saying was “You love writing, you love your blog, and you’re not doing what you love. There must be something taking up a lot of head space going on, what is it and how can I help”

I have been meaning to write about Cee for quite some time – let’s start with the fact that her name is actually Cass but as I’ve changed the names of everyone on the blog that is what she got lumbered with. When I first wrote about Cee as one of my Special Women I mentioned that she had her own blog and that, with her permission, I’d let you know about it. I would really like to let you know about her blog – she is hilarious. In fact, you may have heard one of her stories – the ketchup incident. I think it has become an urban legend. When Cass first phoned to tell me about the ketchup incident, I was home from University on Christmas break, my Mum came into the kitchen to find me on the floor with tears streaming down my face. She very nearly phoned an ambulance and it took a wee while for her to realise that I was laughing uncontrollably.

So what is the point of this rambling you are asking? Go ahead and just link already! Well I would do but I am scared, it goes back to my whole anxiety over anonymity (yes other than the photos of my face). As far as I am aware, no one who knows me in real life other than Cass and O has actually found the blog and I would rather like to keep it that way. Cass on the other hand is very public with her blog; she has sent the link round to all her friends and family and has posted it through her Facebook page. My fear is that if I link to her blog then you lovely people go and read it (and you might possibly mention me) and if her friends and family get curious and link to you, they might find me. Paranoid me? YES big style!

If I do link to Cass’ blog and you comment you have to promise not to mention me (as R or Spare Thoughts).

If you do go and read her blog – you have to promise to be NICE, not that I would expect you to be anything else but I am fiercely loyal.

Tumble

There is nothing like your best friend telling you your blog doesn’t look chipper at the moment to kick start you into activity. Chipper is not exactly a word I would use to describe my mood or my life at present (or my blog - sorry).

Those of you that don’t follow me on twitter (why not?) won’t have heard that just over two weeks ago #2 (middle sister) took a tumble off her bicycle as she was on her way to work. That Monday O and I were driving home from our weekend with his parents. When we got home at about 4pm there was a missed call on my mobile with a voicemail from my Mum. “You’re probably still driving but give me a call.” There was no “asap” no “immediately” but from her tone of voice, I knew there was something wrong. I phoned and heard that #2 had come off her bike, no one is sure what happened but she was in hospital with cuts and bruises, about seven stitches to her lip, a broken cheekbone and four smashed teeth. Her CT scan was all clear and they were expecting to release her that evening – they kept her in. Her boyfriend and #1 (eldest sister) had been with her for the day and a wee while later I spoke with #1 to hear her side of the story. The theory is that #2 had swerved to avoid something (not sure what) and had hit the back of a van. She was taken to hospital on a full trauma call (team of doctors, strapped to the board, head in brace – have watched too many episodes of ER). However by the time her boyfriend got to the hospital (he works outside London) and by the time #1 got to the hospital (the one day a week she car shares) the police had left. No one could tell them what had happened. #2 cannot remember and is missing about 3 hours of the morning – she can remember cycling along and then being in the hospital and her boyfriend arriving, but none of the activity at the scene, none of the ambulance journey and nothing in the trauma room. Although she was apparently alert and conscious the entire time meaning, she must have answered all their questions correctly even if she cannot remember any of those conversations.

She will eventually receive a copy of the police incident report and have to deal with the repercussions if she was at fault and caused the accident – I had thought that if the only person she has hurt is herself then where is the blame to assign? However, if she has caused damage to another vehicle she will need to pay. Equally if she is not at fault, she is currently off work unpaid and has new teeth to buy (she has just started a new job and is not currently eligible for sick pay).

I was busy with work last week and whilst I wanted to see her, I didn’t really understand how I could help other than look at her and be there (plus she had a house full already) – I didn’t really understand her injuries at that point. Then I caught a cold and was told to stay away. The last thing she needed was a cold, plus she was under strict doctor’s orders not to blow her nose or she could put her cheekbone out of alignment. Feeling much better and a lot less contagious on Friday morning I boarded the plane to London, I was spending the weekend as my parent’s were going home to have a break and her boyfriend was flying to New York to run the marathon – which he did in 3 hrs 42 mins 58 secs – uhmazing!

I did not realise or I would have been there sooner.

(although not sure how I’d have dealt with the cold).

Externally she looks ok, her cuts and bruises had more or less gone, quite a few of the stitches in her lip came out while I was there and the swelling was going down. Her teeth still look terrible but it will take time for her jaw to stop aching (think she hit the ground, jaw first, with quite a clatter) she is fed up of mashed potatoes.

What I had not appreciated and had not been fully explained to me (trying not to worry me) is that she is constantly exhausted – I thought this was because of the bruises and the aching but actually, her brain is just tired, it took a big jolt.
She struggles to cope with more than one conversation at a time and found my parents and me chatting around her exhausting because she could not follow the numerous threads. She hasn’t managed to watch the TV although we did try watching Strictly Come Dancing – the movement of the screen, the bright lights and the noise made her incredibly tense, she frowned at the TV and tried to back away into the sofa. She struggles to use the computer for long periods because the flickering screen makes her head hurt. She doesn’t like going into the kitchen because the fridge is noisy, as is the dishwasher and washing machine and the clatter of the dishes. She is a wreck whenever she leaves the house, being in cars is extremely scary and even walking along the pavement because she feels everything is so unpredictable. We did go out for some walks and she is trying to go out more as she feels rather trapped inside – but it is taking small steps and she is a quivering wreck if a cyclist passes her.

Mum has been with her practically since it happened, leaving this weekend to have a break and only because she knew I was there – she is coming back on Thursday. Thankfully, Mum is a clinical psychologist with forty years experience so she has seen many, many victims of road traffic accidents and is putting all her skills to good use trying to build up #2’s confidence.

Having to leave her yesterday was just heart breaking as it was the first time she had been left alone since the accident, it was just for a couple of hours as her friend came in to make her food but she was in floods of tears. Trying hard to be strong but not really managing it. She is also feeling guilty that she cannot just snap out of it and get on with stuff.

It is obviously going to take time for her to recover and we will need to see whether she gets any memories back. Being the baby sister I am not used to having to be the strong one – not sure I like it much. Looking forward to having her fit and well again, no matter how long that might take.