This marriage malarkey is all my fault. When O and I had been going out for a little while the concept of marriage raised it’s head. At the time O told me he didn’t understand the point of marriage and didn't want to get married. Meh! we hadn’t really been together that long so I didn’t really think about it too much. I didn’t know my own thoughts about marriage so why make an issue out of a non-issue.
As the years ticked by the inevitable jokes started about how long we’d been together and when the marriage bells were going to chime. O was still in the “not a chance” camp and I was starting to be in the “really? not a chance? that’s kind of a shame I think I’d kind of like to get married, but its not a big deal” camp. O was very reassuring that he wanted to be with me forever he just didn’t need a bit of paper to confirm that. He listened to my concerns and conceded that if I wanted to get married (to the point of I reeeaaaallllly wanted to get married) then we could consider it more. It never felt like too much of an issue as I knew I wanted to be with him and I couldn’t put my finger on why I wanted a certificate to confirm that. I wasn’t going to end the relationship because it, I’d got this far with my eyes open and really, I love this boy why end a relationship because of that.
In the middle of all of this it started……………….
All of our friends started getting engaged – it started with my female friends (I’m sure there is something funny in there about pushy females). There was a point when all of my female friends (to be fair I don’t actually have that many friends) were engaged except one who had just got divorced and me! At that point I reeeeaaaaalllllyyy didn’t want to be engaged, I didn’t want to feel like we were jumping on the bandwagon, just because everyone else we knew was getting married didn’t mean we needed to. Lots of engagement announcements are inevitably followed by a lots of weddings – 6 in the one year and I was bridesmaid at 2. They sort of sickened me to the whole experience, plus seeing friends turn from normal sane individuals to raving lunatics on beta-blockers was not an appealing option. (seriously I kid you not)
O and I kept talking about marriage, what it might mean and why we might do it. I had by this time come to the conclusion that I reeeaaaaalllly wanted to get married, and for some reason I wanted to get married before we had children*.
To fit in with our 5 year plan** we had to get married fairly soon so I kind of knew the proposal was coming soon (still it was a lovely amazing surprise).
So you see it is all my fault, although O now insists that he very much wants to get married and believe me there have been many times when I have begged to call the whole thing off. If I’d just listened to O in the first place we wouldn’t be having this wedding and our relationship would be carrying on as always.
*I really can not explain this, it is just a deep rooted belief, I think deeply rooted in my own insecurity.
**are we the only ones that have one of these? Does anyone else’s seem to continue to be 5 year plans even though time passes – the 5 years never comes to an end or get any shorter